Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Still One Day At a Time, but back to "My Utmost"

I just started back with reading my daily devotional, "My Utmost for His Highest."  It is a daily devotional based on the teachings of Oswald Chambers that I have been faithful to for several years now.  I put it aside about 3 months ago because my spiritual side needed less deep diving (Chambers gets down below the dust and into the deeper soil of Christian development) and a simpler approach to things.  Just asking God to keep me strong enough for this day, or this moment was about the extent of my soul's needs.  Very childlike and, at times, beseeching.

But wouldn't you know it?  Chambers busts my chops right from the get go with letting me know that "God puts us through the discipline of darkness to teach us to heed Him.  Some birds are taught to sing in the dark, and we are put into the shadow of God's hand until we learn to hear Him...If you open your mouth in the dark, you will talk in the wrong mood: darkness is the time to listen.  When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a precious message for someone else when you get into the light.  He gives you the gift of humilation which brings the softness of the heart that will always listen to God now."

My voice is about 80% now and I've been able to get some longer periods of sleep in.  I'm back to Tylenol for pain except for a few times that my back and neck get to barking loud enough for me to take a dose of
Vicodin.  I think my kidneys are still trying to shake out the toxins.

We got a juicer so now I'm shooting jevity (supercharged formula), green tea, water, Gatorade, and beet , apple, spinach juice into my peg tube.  I drank a bottle of Ensure yesterday, but it still tastes like no flavored Maalox -yuck.  Fortunately, I have been able to drink hot green tea (with lemongrass) and that keeps my swallowing muscles in shape.

I'm looking forward to tasting things again whenever that time comes.

Onward and forward...One day at a time.


Monday, February 8, 2010

Now for the "Recovery" part of this journey

It has been a week since my final radiation and two since my third and final chemo.  So, I suppose that puts me in the "recovery" mode of this little journey.  Well...someone needs to let my body know.  I would say that the past week has been the toughest to date.  The after effects of having all that radio active material shot into my arm and beamed into my neck are like "taking a shot of malaria to kill a cold" - Bob Dylan, from "Subterranean Homesick Blues" (I think).  Very sporadic sleep, Vicodin brain, painful sore under my tongue, wierd thoughts, etc.

Yesterday Deanna mentioned that she was going to check out a desk that she saw was on sale at Target.  I thought I'd like to get out of the house (it's been a week since I have) so I said that I would join her.  Maybe not such a great idea.  When we got there we had a bit of a walk to the entrance.  By the time we reached it, I needed to sit down and rest due to light headedness.  We got the desk.  I got humbled.  I need to force more formula into my feeding tube to give my beleaguered red and white cells something to fight back with.

The Superbowl was a much needed respite from the mind numbing stuff on T.V.  Watching two incredibly gifted teams with all universe quarterbacks play such an inspiring game gave me an emotional lift.  The image of Brees with his little boy in his arms was priceless.

I'm really looking forward to getting back to "work" at the church.  We will be relocating to the new site in April or May and I am excited and anxious to do my little bit in installing the new bookstore/cafe'.  Much to do, so I've been pondering and planning, online research for fixtures and such.  Thank you God that I am privileged to part of this time in the life of North Coast!  We are so dang blessed!

Onward and forward in God's time.


Monday, February 1, 2010

Last day of radiation is tommorrow...None Too Soon.

Early this morning may have been my "low point" to date while undergoing treatment for the past 3 months, including the surgeries.  I'm not going to detail it, but I have a real bad case of "chemo brain" and this morning "chemo stomach and chemo spirit."  Last Tuesday I had my last Cisplatin infusion and I was back there (infusion center) Thursday and Saturday to get re-hydrated.

Tomorrow we "ring the bell" at the radiation center.  It's a tradition they have to celebrate the last day of radiation therapy.

Deanna is starting to get an influx of tax clients, so she is really testing the waters of burn-out.  Doesn't show it much, but she had on her "game face" today.  Amazing though, she got up at 5AM...I think, yesterday to run many miles with some friends from church.  Check out Proverb 31:10-31...she kicks that lady's butt!

Everybody's kind words, thoughts, and prayers have meant so much to us.  If I could plead one more time for a mega-infusion of words lifted to God for more strength in recovery andfaith in His healing, I would be most appreciative.